


AU Meme: Vila Restal

by thisbluespirit



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Ficlet, Gen, Request Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:02:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23948857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbluespirit/pseuds/thisbluespirit
Summary: 10 AU scenarios for Vila written for a Dreamwidth meme.
Relationships: Kerr Avon & Vila Restal, Kerril/Vila Restal
Comments: 21
Kudos: 26





	AU Meme: Vila Restal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hamsterwoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamsterwoman/gifts).



**Wild West**

Blake, about to re-enter the sheriff’s office, stopped on spying his current prisoner nip out from behind the bars, swipe the whisky from the desk, and then return to captivity.

“If you can do that, why not escape?” he asked, walking over to the cage.

The prisoner looked at him as if he was stupid. “They’re _fighting_ outside,” he said and took a swig of the whisky. “Much safer in here.”

**Coffee Shop**

“Hello, I’m here to rob the place as part of a protest because of your employers being a heartless multinational corporate business that doesn’t pay its taxes, but while we’re waiting for the rest of my friends, I’d love a coffee. What do you recommend for a professional thief turned eco warrior? Latte, espresso, or one of those things with the little marshmallows in?”

**Shapeshifters**

“Vila,” said Blake, “shapeshifting is a powerful tool, one that we can use against the Federation in order to gain vital information. It’s not supposed to be a means of lining your pockets. Or, in this case, your pouch.”

The bulging hamster stared back before coughing up three gold rings, one diamond, and a brazil nut.

Avon glanced up. “As long as he’s not trying to drink in that form again, I don’t see why you’re complaining.”

“Oy,” said Vila, returning to human form. “ _Avon_. You promised not to mention that. It was only one innocent little mistake. Anyone could have made it.”

“For once, I feel, you are underestimating yourself, Vila. Congratulations.”

**Magic/Fairy Tale**

The dragon extended one giant, sharp claw, pinning the thief to the cave floor. “What are you doing here, human?”

“Good question,” said Vila, as he worked unsuccessfully at tearing his cloak free. “I’ve been wondering that myself. Fell in with bad company, really. You know how it is. One minute you’re innocently picking pockets in a tavern, the next someone’s trying to get you to break into the Dark Lord’s castle, and then some other person who shall remain Avon thinks of a really brilliant get rich quick scheme along the way and forgets to mention the whacking great – I mean, that the gold belonged to a charming dragon I’d never have dreamed of robbing, and I’ll just be off now if you’ll let go –”

He was interrupted by a low rumbling sound from further within the mountain and then a dozen stalactites fell from the roof high above, causing the dragon to roar and leap back.

“About time,” said Vila, and grabbed a pocketful of gold coins from the nearest pile as he scarpered. “I’m not doing this again, Avon!”

**. . . In SPACE!!**

“Why, hmm?” said the small green being, poking at Vila with his stick. “Break into the heart of the Jedi temple, for what reason do you?”

Vila shrugged. “They said this place was impregnable. How am I supposed to resist a challenge like that? It’s not as if I took anything!”

“Oh?”

“Well,” said Vila, and dropped the cloak and all its borrowed contents. “Maybe one or two souvenirs. Just to prove I was here. You know how it is. Are you going to arrest me or what?”

“Or what, yes,” said the small green being much too gleefully for Vila’s liking.

**Historical**

“Vila,” said Blake, uncovering the stash of gold from under the pile of leaves with the toe of his boot. He sighed and gave Vila a practised Disappointed Look. “How many times do I have to explain the concept of robbing the rich to give to the poor?”

Vila stood his ground – as close to the small buried hoard of coins as he could. “I understood it the first time, Blake. It’s just that what you don’t seem to understand is how poor _I_ am, so it’s only right I get to keep some.”

**Canon Divergence**

“It’s nice here,” said Vila for the fourth time that morning. He wasn’t trying to convince himself, honest. He didn’t need to. It _was_ nice here on Vilaworld. Really, really nice.

Kerril sat beside him and gave him a sympathetic grimace. “You’re still regretting it, aren’t you?”

“Of course not,” said Vila. “I’ve got everything I could want here, haven’t I? Why should I be hankering after life on the run with a bunch of people who don’t appreciate me? I mean, if I hadn’t died anyway by now. It wasn’t the life for a sensitive sort like me. Even if, well, there’s nothing to steal here, is there? It’s unnatural. But nice. Really, really nice, obviously.”

Kerril leant against him. “I’m so sorry, Vila.”

**Crime/Detectives**

“It’s not that I mind being arrested,” said Vila, holding out his hands for the cuffs. “I mean, you did it very nicely and all. It’s just a bit much coming from a bent copper like you. How many dodgy deals have we had on the side, Avon? Can’t you let an old con go, this once?”

Avon stared past him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. However, if you wait until my so-called superior Inspector Blake is out of the room, my comprehension level may improve significantly.”

“Oh, right,” said Vila, and cheered up. He let Avon snap the cuffs round his wrists. “It’s a fair cop, guv’nor.”

**Supernatural**

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” said Cally, sitting beside him in the cell. “You should have known I would have understood. Maybe I could even have helped.”

Vila shrugged, keeping his gaze carefully ahead so as not to look at her. “I’ve learned not to. Never goes down well, does it? ‘Oh, hi, I can see dead people. Talk to them, too.’ Either they freak out, or they want you to find out where Uncle Fred buried the family silver. Better just to ignore it.”

“That could become quite awkward, couldn’t it?” said Cally. “Especially if the rest of us aren’t much more careful than I was – or Gan.”

“Let’s hope not,” Vila said, and hunched back against the wall. “’S’already a bit crowded in here.”

**Romance Novel**

“You what?” said Vila. “I’m sorry, Avon, you’ve lost me.”

“So soon? What a shame. It’s perfectly simple: the Ferrance Diamond is down there on that planet. While Blake blunders about trying to blow up the scientific research base, I suggest we retrieve something infinitely more valuable.”

“Yeah, I got that, it’s the part where we have to pretend to be married where you lost me.”

Avon shrugged. “It’s being exhibited as a centrepiece at a sacred location where couples go to get married. The simplest way to get a shot at the diamond is therefore to pretend to be there for our wedding . It’s not that difficult a concept, Vila.”

“Yeah, but that’s because you don’t have to get fake-married to _you_. No diamond’s worth that, Avon. Not even a hundred diamonds.”

“Thank you. I’m beginning to feel the same way about you. Shall we get on and get it over with?”


End file.
